AAA: Annual Akatsuki Auditions Avenged & Reloaded
by shadowxs160
Summary: The AAA: Annual Akatsuki Audtions are back, Avenged and Reloaded. When Akatsuki barely escapes the previous auditions with their lives, they find that being evil isn't as easy as it used to be.


_(If you thought the first story's title was long that this is really going to piss you off)_

AAA: AR

Annual Akatsuki Auditions: Avenged and Reloaded

**Chapter 1: Why the Armageddon is Bad for Business **

**OR**

**I (Heart) Sasori's New Hair**

**OR**

**The E.M.O Gene**

Several years ago Pain made a decision that was rather un…un… let's just call it stupid., Pain decided to change the team number from 10 to 13 just because he thought it sounded more evil; also because he got a little jealous. He said, quote "Organization XIII has more members and I'll be damned if I let those bastards beat us out!" Though it was more evil, it was more of a PAIN because all the members, no matter where they were, had to personally gather at the land of fire. What was worse was that Tobi, aka Madara, aka the psychopathic nut job, aka Paul, didn't want people to feel discouraged. So now Akatsuki was banned from using their astral projection. They used an abandoned building that Tobi picked out of a conveniently placed magazine of abandoned buildings.  
However just as they got into the semi finals, Konoha experienced a mini Armageddon. All previous competitors had been blown up due to a nuclear holocaust. Everyone contestant from that euro-trash guy with the buffalo to the blonde teenage pop-star was now irate and dying of AIDS, HIV, STD, LOL, & dyslexia.

The Akatsuki members are now currently residing in a high security prison in a volcano, under the sea, and inside a whale.

Konan sighed, "I knew this was a bad idea as soon as we saw that guy with the pantyhose."  
Pain rolled over on his bed, "How was I supposed to know that we were all going to be blown to hell."

"Now Itachi, Hidan, Kakuzu, Deidara, and Sasori really are dead," Kisame said.

"Oh Itachi," He sighed. "First you die, then you die again, and now this."

"Don't forget that the rest of Pain's bodies are buried under twenty feet of rubble," Konan reminded them. "You've got to be extra carful now, baby."

"Don't call me baby!" Pain shouted.

"You're just mad that you're stuck in the body that looks like a girl."

Everyone gasped, "Tobi? You're alive!"

"Brilliant deduction," Tobi rolled his eye. "As I was saying, we all took a rather large kick to the gonads. All of our auditions are dying and what's worse is that they can no longer read. Damn that dyslexia, it may be the worst affliction possible."

Konan crossed his arms, "Yeah because breast cancer it just another word for PMS'ing."

"Shut up, Konan" another voice sighed from the hall way.

"Sasori?" Kisame asked." I thought you died."

"If I have a hard enough time dying in a wooden body, how hard do you think it is trying to die in the body of a stuffed teddy bear?"

"Yeah, but now you're…"

"Yes I know I'm in the body of a mannequin." Sasori replied, "Though it does look a lot like my old body."

"But," Kisame interjected.

"And I know I'm missing a penis."

"Sasori," Pein warned.

"What?" He shouted.

"He's so hansom!" Konan shouted. "It's like if Johnny Depp and David Hasselhoff had an asexual baby with no genitals! I…I have to touch him."

"WTF?" Sasori cocked his head to the side.

Pain jumped out of bed, "Konan, keep your tongue in your mouth."

But he was too late for Konan had already been humping Sasori's new plastic leg.

"Off!" He shouted.

"Oh god, look at his hair!" She shouted, "It so gorgeous I wish I had all of it in a jar above my bed."

Suddenly a loud screechy intercom came online, "Good evening, prisoners."

"Are you the bastard that locked us in this god-forsaken room?" Kisame asked impatiently.

There was a loud cough from the intercom, "...The door was never locked. *Cough* Dumbasses *Cough*"

"You suck!"

* * *

The raven haired boy slowly opened his eyes, only to be greeted by a blinding light that burned out his retinas.

"I burned out my retinas!" He cried.

Another voice came from inside the room, "Dim the light's please."

"N-Naruto?"

"Hey buddy, you're not supposed to be awake yet." All Sasuke could see was Naruto's tall outline in a surgical outfit.

"You're...operating on me?" He moaned.

"So am I. How are you feeling, Sasuke." The cherry haired girl stepped into view.

"Sakura, what are you two doing?" Sasuke tried to sit up but found a sharp pain in his side.

Naruto said, "Well, you needed surgery after the bombing so..."

Sakura continued, "We figured we'd try something. So far, however, we've been unsuccessful."

"What are you guys trying to do?" Sasuke groaned.

"Y'know how you're always so depressed and psychotic?" Naruto smiled.

"..."

Sakura grabbed a rather large needle and jabbed it into Sasuke's abdomen. "Well we wondered, 'why does Sasuke always have a bug up his ass.' But after we performed a colonic irrigation-"

"You did what?" Sasuke screamed.

Naruto pressed his fingers against Sasuke's lips, "Don't strain you're vocal chords. That was the next place we looked, considering how you say all those mean things. We just sewed up your stomach and reattached your genitals. By the way, no sexual activity for a while; we wouldn't even recommend going to the bathroom." Sasuke turned ghost white. "We just figured that maybe you weren't getting enough."

"Unfortunately there are not many more places to check, and then Naruto and I thought 'what about the brain?' Where else would we find the E.M.O. Gene?"

Naruto cut into Sasuke's scalp, "That's Extremely Mega Overemotional Gene, but we shortened it. Sakura had me the plunger. Hey Sasuke, if you ever notice you only have one testical, it's because we lost the other one." And with that Sasuke was out like a light and most likely not having pleasant dreams, "Wow, we didn't even need to hit him."

* * *

Itachi awoke in utter darkness; not that he had a problem with that. Unfortunately, he was stuck in the darkness with Deidara and Zetsu. The two of them were running out the back entrance of the stadium when it collapsed on top of them.

"Are you still alive Deidara? If not can I eat you're flesh?"

"Zetsu, please." Itachi sighed. "Hey, why don't you just do that thing where you seep into the ground?"

"I don't want to risk it, for all we know we could be surrounded my ANBU just waiting for us to come out. I'm going to wait until I know you two are there for back up, or my stomach is no longer rumbling. If you know what I mean."

"Thanks, Zetsu. That really made me feel better."

"Why don't you use your Sharingan?" The plant man retorted.

"Well I could, but I'd blow us all to smithereens."

"I see your point."

Itachi winced, "Zetsu, are you touching me in an inappropriate place?"

"No, why?" Zetsu asked, uncomfortably.

"Deidara?" Unfortunately, Deidara was snoring and his hand was in a very, very bad place.

"No, Zetsu, I'm not enjoying this." Itachi was very, very, very uncomfortable.

Zetsu coughed, "Well...he does look like a girl."

"That doesn't help!"

* * *

Annual Akatsuki Auditions has returned. If you did read the first AAA than this will probably make sense. If you didn't you might still get a few kicks out of it. The AAA is no longer on this site and I am working of finding the files. Stay tuned for next time where we find Hidan and Kakuzu lost at sea and Deidara goes to rehab.

**Chapter 2: ****Why Sasuke, What Big Pants You're Wearing (Especially Since You Can't Fill Them) **


End file.
